This Cake Will Never Lie
by Harmony Sunsinger
Summary: Written for week 93: fat at dn contest; L falls for Misa, Misa falls for Light, Light falls for Takada... will this love polygon ever end? Spawned by a nyquil trip and somehow won Mod's Choice. \o/


Title: This Cake Will Never Lie

Author: Sun

Characters: Misa, L, Light, Takada

Prompt: Fat

Rating: Adult

Genre: Canon-ish, Crack, Romance, Comedy

Word Count: 2825

Summary: L falls for Misa, Misa falls for Light, Light falls for Takada… Will this love polygon ever end?!?

Warnings: Sexual content, hints of food fetish, slight wtfery.

A/N: First and foremost, I apologize for this fic. :3 It was spawned by a Nyquil trip.

Misa wasn't even sure where she was running to – she was just running, it seemed. She didn't care where she turned up, or what happened once she got there. She had simply needed to escape that horrible, horrible place, where all her nightmares came true.

She had gone to Light's office, to surprise him with a little lunchtime sex… no matter how much he seemed to dislike the act with her, he would still do it, and that was all that mattered to Misa. After all, she took pride in her body, as most women would – she was thin, curvaceous, athletic… some had even called her "downright sexy" in her years spent modeling.

But Light… even though she'd been gracing the pages of the magazines he kept beneath his bed – and she _knew_ she did, she'd _seen_ them – he had never sought her out, never really paid her one iota of the attention that she craved from him. Misa could care less about whatever attention she received from others; all that mattered after she met Light was what _he _gave her, what she meant to _him_. _He _was all that was important.

But now…

When she had come in the door, everything had seemed as normal as ever; the receptionist had greeted her with a smile and buzzed her in. Matsuda was all smiles and hyperactive hello's, and Aizawa and Mogi had just been their normal, silent selves – though Mogi had at least given her a slight smile and a nod. So she'd just smiled back and waved before tackling the stairs; Light's private office was on the third floor.

Then, when she had arrived at his door… Misa was momentarily frozen as she listened closely to the sounds coming through the door. It took her no time at all to realize that they were raunchy, extremely heated sex sounds – between _her_ Light and _another woman_! Eyes wide and mouth hung open, Misa indignantly twisted the knob and threw the door open, quite ready to give him – _and his little whore!_ – what for.

But when the door opened and Misa saw exactly what was happening, she couldn't move. Her mouth just hung open, and no sound was able to come out that would adequately describe her shock. There was _her_ Light, standing before his desk, with that whore-bitch Kiyomi Takada pinned beneath him, _on_ his desktop. She was so shocked that she couldn't even seethe – _That's _my_ spot on Light's desk!_ – so Misa just stood there, wide-eyed, staring at the stark naked couple, who both stared back. Light glanced between the two women, looking just as shocked at the situation as Misa, but Takada just smirked at Misa with narrowed eyes.

Hot anger surged through Misa right then, and she had the insane impulse to jump on the both of them and beat the living daylights out of Takada.

Instead, she turned and fled, never daring to shed a tear until she made it out the front door.

She knew that Light wouldn't come after her; it had taken her several years to realize that he didn't care, that he'd _never_ cared, but at long last she had. After who knew how far she had run, Misa stopped, leaning against the brick wall of a store, heaving and panting as she tried to catch her breath; she looked around and tried to figure out where she was. The street was empty, the air was cold, and the shops all seemed closed; the sidewalk she stood one was cracked in several places, and she wasn't completely certain that she was still on the good side of town.

Misa's head fell into her hands as she started to sob; everything seemed to be falling apart right before her eyes, but that, she already knew, was the trouble with setting one singular person as the center of your universe – once they failed you, you had nothing.

Light had failed her, and her expectations, leaving Misa with only herself to blame.

She started at a quiet coughing that came from just a couple feet away; her head shot up, out of her hands, and she just stared at the person standing before her. He smiled at her politely, as quiet and laid-back as Misa remembered him, and even his eyes were smiling as he approached her slowly.

"L?" she asked, the single spoken letter shaking as it left her lips.

He canted his head a bit, his hair falling down to hide his sunken eyes. She knew he was watching her still, though. "Please, call me Ryuzaki – and good to see you, Amane," he replied, a solid answer without an answer, in his opinion. He stepped toward her, hands still shoved deep into his jeans' pockets. "Though, not too good to see you not so well." Another step, and he was right in front of her. He leaned down, bending forward without losing his balance somehow, and the closer he got, the more easily Misa could see that he really was, in fact, L – the same L she had known and disliked rather vividly before. His eyes were still a light grey, and Misa's breath caught at the proximity with which it took her to realize that.

His nose nearly touched hers. "Please – what is wrong?"

The sound of L's voice was just far too strange, especially the way it lilted at the end, as if he were posing a question… But Misa mentally shook her head at that idea. L's too smart for questions.

For a moment, she just stared up at him, unsure of exactly what to say. And then she pulled back a little and mumbled, "Misa caught Light-kun in the arms of another woman."

L's eyes widened a fraction; it was the only proof Misa had of his slight surprise. Of course, unknown to Misa, L was only surprised that Light had allowed himself to be caught by Misa with another woman; it was easy for L to see that Light did not truly care for Misa. He wondered a moment what this meant.

L decided that he would have to worry over this turn of events when he reached his base of operations; Misa was in front of him, still tear-streaked and sad-eyed.

The detective held back a sigh. Pulling back and standing straight, he blinked at her. "Follow me, Amane," he said before turning away and starting down the sidewalk, in the direction that Misa had been running. The young model stared after him a moment before shoving herself back up to her feet and jogging after him.__

She paid attention to their surroundings as they walked, though she wasn't entirely sure where they were or where they were headed. Hopefully, she would be able to find her way back to the base for the Kira Investigation on her own; Misa didn't particularly enjoy the idea of imposing on L anymore than she was already. To be quite honest, he had always somewhat given her the creeps, and, dead or not, this was no exception. Actually, as they walked along the sidewalk together, practically side by side, the more Misa thought on this subject and observed the L shuffling along beside her, the more she became convinced that she would actually feel better if he _was_ still dead. _A zombie, maybe_? she questioned herself, her fingertip resting thoughtfully on her chin as she looked up toward the sky.

_Yes. Misa would feel _much_ better if Ryuzaki had just stayed a zombie_.

"Amane?"

L's voice was all that seemed able to bring Misa out of her pointless musing; she stopped dead in her tracks, snapping her head back down and blinking, confused, at the strange-yet-familiar man standing just a couple feet away. He stood before a door, his right hand resting on the brass knob, his left hand still in his pocket, and his eyes fixed on her, watching her expectantly. The corners of his lips, which seemed a bit chapped, curled slightly in what appeared to be a smirk – but, no, that couldn't be right. Misa was sure that L didn't know _how_ to smirk; that was something Light did.

"Please follow me."

His words were so simple, yet there seemed to be so much meaning in them; it made Misa shiver all over. She nodded before venturing forward as L twisted the knob and pulled the oak door open, following him inside the dark building. He shut the door behind them, locking it soundly, and then led her up a short flight of rickety stairs. A couple times, Misa was scared she would fall right through the old, squeaky boards, but then L would turn and smile down at her, beckoning her onward.

And she would follow, because that is what Misa does.

Once they reached the top of the stairs, L led her down an equally dark hallway, passing all of the doors except for one, the one at the very end of the corridor. There, he paused, waiting for Misa to catch up to his side, before opening _this_ door and allowing her inside first.

This room was very brightly lit, with freshly painted eggshell walls, a white sofa and white loveseat – both of which looked comfy and inviting, and a single, darkly stained coffee table set in the middle of a grey rug. On the top of the coffee table sat a wide array of china dishes, a different type of elaborately decorated sweet occupying each one. As Misa came forward into the room, she stared at the table, her eyes wide.

"Ryuzaki…"

He thumbed his bottom lip as he appeared beside her. "Yes, Amane?"

Misa turned her head just a bit, catching his eyes. L's smirk widened a fraction when he noticed her slight blush. "How come you never get fat from eating so many sweets?"

His smirk disappeared as L blinked, uncommonly surprised by her question. For a moment, he just stood there, not exactly sure how to respond. To be honest, her inquiry had put him a little on edge.

He decided to answer with another question: "Well, how do you do it?"

He was prepared for the girlish giggle that met him. "Oh, silly Ryuzaki!" Misa said lightly as she crossed the room without him, plopping peacefully onto the sofa and facing the delicate trays of sweets on the table. She gazed at them with what could only be described as longing. "Misa-Misa cannot eat sweet things!"

Intrigued, he came forward, around the loveseat beside the sofa, and settled into it the same way he sat in everything. Whereas Misa had lain herself out on the cushions, L had gotten onto the cushion feet-first, then curled up with his knees against his chest and his thumb, again, against his lip. He watched Misa with large eyes. "And why, pray tell, is that, Amane?"

She giggled again, her eyes still on the precariously sweet things that she always denied herself. "Because Misa-Misa is a fashion model, and fashion models are not supposed to have sweet things such as these! They will make her fat!"

L smiled, but it was a sincere one this time. "There is nothing wrong with that."

Misa looked directly at him, into his eyes; she was, obviously, startled by his reply. Swallowing hard, she stared at him as hard as she had just been staring at the cakes and brownies and cupcakes on the table. "B-but…" She stammered and stuttered, unable to work the words from her mouth and maintain a level of dignity; thankfully, L cut her off before she became much worse off.

"Of course, there _are_ certain health issues to be aware of when indulging oneself in such pleasantries as cake," he went on before Misa could make herself look like as big an idiot as she now felt. As he spoke, he reached forward, never faltering in his odd sitting position, and took a single, silver fork in his hand; there was a second fork lying there on the tabletop beside it, and Misa had the strangely paranoid feeling that it was there for her. She watched closely, listening even _more_ closely, as he spoke and brought his hand to hover over a certain, rather large slice of chocolate cake with white icing, a half of a strawberry lain neatly on top.

"Obesity."

As the word left his mouth, L turned his hand, stabbing the slice of cake with the prongs of the fork. Misa gasped softly, her eyes widening, as she watched him tug gently at it, and a clump of cake tore from the whole, flaking off a bit at the edges at it left the slice. Slowly, while maintaining constant eye contact with Misa, L brought the speared piece of cake to his lips; as it slid inside his mouth, Misa watched, completely unaware that she had inched forward with the fork, her butt nearly coming up off the sofa cushion. As his lips closed around the fork and he slid it back out, cake-less, Misa fell back into her seat, sighing, slightly dazed.

For a moment, L was silent; Misa looked back over at him, and he seemed to be pondering as he chewed.

L swallowed. "Well," he said, "as long as you watch your cholesterol level, then you should be fine. Being a little overweight is not entirely a bad thing." He caught her eyes, dissecting the slice of cake once again. "Besides," he went on, bringing this piece to his lips as well. "You should know by now that there are many reasons why cake is much better than boyfriends."

Misa blinked at him, now more concerned with his strange words than she was with the cake disappearing behind his lips. "What do you mean?" she asked quietly.

He smirked again, though this time not at her, at no one in particular. "Boyfriends will always lie – but this cake _will never_ lie."

The breath in Misa's lungs rushed out of her all at once, and she made up her mind. Reaching forward, she snatched the fork off the tabletop and dug in; within _seconds_, the entire slice of cake was gone, and Misa was _mm_ing and _ooh_ing as she chewed and swallowed in repetition. Bemused and accomplished, L sat off to the side, watching with only a tiny bit of remorse as Misa finished off the rest of the sweets.

_It would seem that Misa is more fond of cake than of Light._

A few days and several pounds later, Misa wandered back to the Kira Investigation headquarters. Light was the first one to voice his reaction to her obvious weight gain.

"Misa?" he cried out as she entered the spacious living room on the third floor; her eyes narrowed at Takada, who sat beside him, his arm looped around her shoulder. "You're back!"

She nodded. "Yes, Light," she said, without much enthusiasm, "I am."

He shot to his feet, seeming to forget Takada's presence for the moment. Walking around the loveseat, he stared at her, looking her up and down, observing her as closely as possible, as though he couldn't believe his eyes. Then:

"You're _fat_!"

Misa pouted a little as Takada's jaw dropped. "Misa's just a little overweight," the model mumbled, crossing her arms over her enlarged breasts.

Takada couldn't stifle her laughter; it escaped her and filled the room, but the sound soon became a stark echo in the otherwise silent room.

It took both women several moments to wrap their minds around the fact that Light _wasn't laughing_. He just stood there, staring at Misa in… _awe_?

"You look…" Light sighed. "Amazing!"

Both women gawked at him.

"She does?"

"_I do_?!"

Misa's face was the picture of confused delight as Light strode forward and captured her hands in his. "I-I'm so thankful for your transformation, Misa," he said, still staring at her with a slight smile hinting at his lips. "You look so… natural, so beautiful. So…" His eyes twinkled with a new light. "_Enticing_."

Not far away, Takada scoffed. "As if," she spat at Misa. She walked around all the furniture, reaching the pair; she laid her hands gently on Light's arm, smiling up at him sweetly. "Come now, Light-kun," she murmured. "Surely I am… _more_ enticing?"

Takada was shocked – and Misa pleasantly so – when Light shrugged her off, pulling Misa close to him. He had a difficult time wrapping his arms around her frame, but that just drove his need for her. "I'm afraid not, Takada-san," he said formally, his tone colder than ice as he led Misa away. "Misa is… the perfect one for Light."

As the two left an indignant Takada to stalk around the living space, Misa felt like she would burst from joy – but as they entered Light's bedroom, and he began to take off her clothes, she remembered what L had said, dismissing the good feelings.

_This cake will never lie_.


End file.
